


Restraint

by TylertheBoosh



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Depression, Eating Disorders, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Smut, Romance, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-03-31 03:17:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13966203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TylertheBoosh/pseuds/TylertheBoosh
Summary: Chanyeol is content. Until Kyungsoo ruins everything.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> So. There's a bit of backstory to begin with but it does pick up!! Not sure how long this will go on for but I'm determined to finish it, and should be at least a few chapters long. Also the word count doesn't show up for me?? huh
> 
> Please pay attention to the tags!! If any of that makes you uncomfortable/triggers you please look after yourselves!! There's also some sex, it's not very long or detailed but again there's your warning.

Chanyeol had never been in love before. He had toyed with the concept a few times, he had dated before and even thought that maybe he could have loved her, but it had never felt the way people described in stories. She hadn’t been around long much longer anyway. Something about her needing someone who would open up to her, not just listen to her own problems. For Chanyeol, that had always a problem. Even with Jongdae, his best friend since elementary, Chanyeol couldn’t open up to anyone.

That was okay though. Of course it was. Why would he need to open up anyway? Chanyeol was content with his life, content with going away to university, content with making music. Even though Jongdae was in the neighbouring city now, Chanyeol didn’t feel lonely. He had his guitar, and talked to a few people from his classes. A friend group had even formed between him and a few others.

Chanyeol was content.

But he cut himself. Not often, not deep. Sometimes deep. Anyway, it was a habit he had picked up as a child. As a kid, he would bite his own fingers hard, laughing and gasping when they hurt just a bit too much. Sometimes he had blamed it on his sister Yoora, if his mother noticed. As he grew, he discovered other ways to get that same rush.

At middle school, he picked up a compass. At high school, he unscrewed a pencil sharpener.

At university, he had begun a collection of pencil sharpeners. Blades had dulled or rusted, and when they did he would screw them back in and throw them into the drawer of his bedside table. Then he would buy a new one, rinse and repeat. Sometimes he opened the drawer just to admire the sharpeners. They were shaped like elephants, pigs, fish, dogs, and even a snake. By any account, they were all very cute. It was almost a shame he couldn’t use the blade while it was still in there, but at least he didn’t have to break them to get it out.

No one ever entered his room at university so he was safe there. The group of awkward twenty somethings always hung out at the university, or in the neighbouring pub if it was late. It didn’t seem the thing to do, to go around to anyone’s house. (Chanyeol doesn’t count that time they were all too drunk to walk to the other set of halls and had all crashed in Jongin’s tiny room as it was on campus.)

Chanyeol hated missing class. All his life had been building to studying music, but sometimes the insomnia was bad and his flatmates had been annoying and the weather wasn’t good and he just couldn’t do it. He wasn’t depressed. He just… missed a few classes. Minseok, ever the grown up of their group, would always question him the next day, but Chanyeol laughed him off more often than not.

**

“So where were you yesterday?” Minseok sits down opposite Chanyeol in the cafeteria. Chanyeol had attempted to hide himself in one of the booths along the far wall, but Minseok knew that was his usual hiding place.

He shifts in his seat. “I just had work to catch up on, Minnie,” Chanyeol smiles and Minseok rolls his eyes at the nickname. There’s a moment of awkward silence. It was rare for any two of the group to be alone, and when that happened neither one knew what to say, having only been friends for a short time.

“So, where’s everyone else?” Minseok tries. “I’m amazed Jongin is ever late, he lives thirty seconds out the door.” The two men laugh, knowing Jongin wouldn’t turn up until ten minutes after class started at the earliest.

“Who knows, he’s a special kid.”

“Very true.” Minseok pauses. “Wait, you’re never usually this early, what have you done to Chanyeol?”

Chanyeol laughs. “I’m an imposter, obviously. No, I wanted to get breakfast before class, but I wanted to wait til the queue went down… I don’t think I’ve ever actually eaten here, do you know what it’s like?”

Minseok makes a face that tells Chanyeol everything, and he laughs loudly again.

“You know you can hear your laugh outside, Chanyeol.” Chanyeol and Minseok look up at the tall man, and smile.

“I was making it easier for you to find us,” Chanyeol says to Sehun, who sits beside Minseok.

“Of course.”

After a beat, Chanyeol wipes his sweating hands on his trousers and stands. “I’ll be back in a minute, going to scope out the food.”

The cafeteria is big, big enough for a sofa area which Chanyeol is certain no one thought about logically because the food stains were all over the fabric, and the room is even big enough for four long tables and benches in the far corner near the counter. There are cabinets with juice boxes, canned sodas, boxes of individually wrapped biscuits and croissants and there’s even fruit in one of them. Chanyeol spends a long time deciding. He always does, and lets people cross in front of him as he stares at the names and prices. There is a hot counter serving sausages and eggs, but Chanyeol doesn’t think he could quite handle that.

He’s nearly decided (maybe) when someone slides in beside him in his peripheral vision. He steps to let them pass, but they don’t.

“You can go in front?” Chanyeol offers, lowering his head so his hair catches in his eyes.

“Oh,” the guy huffs, as if he’s nervous, “I’m just looking at the moment, not decided yet.”

Chanyeol looks up then, the guy has gone back to staring at the cabinet. Chanyeol feels a pang of something. Maybe solidarity.

“Okay.”

They stand there a while longer.

“I can never decide,” the other starts, smiling shyly. His voice startles Chanyeol.

“Oh, me neither. I don’t even know if I’m hungry anymore,” Chanyeol half-laughs at himself. The guy’s face drops.

“Yeah, me too.”

Chanyeol doesn’t feel like he can move now. Wishing desperately that the other guy would finally choose and leave seems to be fruitless as they stand there staring at space. Chanyeol knows all his choices now, and all the prices, but he can’t choose. Not when someone has actually volunteered to start talking to him.

“I’m Kyungsoo,” the guy says, his smile nearly returning.

Chanyeol turns, “Chanyeol.”

“I think I’ve chosen, Chanyeol, so… I’ll see you around?” Kyungsoo grabs a bottled water and an orange as he speaks and Chanyeol grins.

“See you around, Kyungsoo.”

When he returns to the table, Minseok and Sehun are grinning madly at him.

“What?” Chanyeol says, peeling the banana he picked up.

“That was very gay,” Sehun says.

“Don’t we have a class to get to?”

He eats the banana on the way, Sehun and Minseok giggling like schoolgirls behind him. The class is one of Chanyeol’s favourites: Rhythm and World Music. They spend the class stamping along with each other, clapping in time, and singing whatever they want over the top. Thoughts of Kyungsoo drift over him sometimes, but only sometimes. It’s not like he’s in love with him.

**

The next day is quiet. New cuts line up against old scars on Chanyeol’s arm. They aren’t deep, they barely bled. He has another morning class and considers skipping it. It’s only Composition, and Chanyeol has nothing new to show since last week, other than maybe the beginning of something. Even so, something prompts Chanyeol to get out of bed and shower. In the back of his mind, he wonders if Kyungsoo is always at the cafeteria for breakfast.

He pulls on his big hoodie. The change of material at the wrist rubs against the cuts, but it’s not unpleasant. Strangely, he always finds himself wearing his big hoodie the day after, something about it made him feel safe.

As he leaves his room of the flat, Chanyeol is thankful that only his acoustic guitar is needed for Composition, anything heavier might have convinced him to stay home. As always, the head of the guitar in it’s fabric case hits the doorframe as Chanyeol passes through it.

Thoughts of Kyungsoo start creeping up on him the closer he gets to the university, and closer to the cafeteria. Chanyeol hopes he’s there, but expects him not to be. Either would be okay. They only met once after all. He scans the room once he enters, and there’s someone who could be Kyungsoo sitting on a sofa, facing the other way, but again it might not be. No one else he knows is there yet, so he goes for the food before sitting down as no one would be looking after his guitar.

Chanyeol stares at the food again. Would it be wrong to take an extra long time just in case Kyungsoo turned up? He doesn’t have time to ponder this when someone sidles up again.

“Hi Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo smiles and Chanyeol turns to him.

“Kyungsoo! What are the chances,” he grins wide.

“Yeah, it’s not like this is a communal area or anything.” There’s a beat, then he says, “Hey, I was wondering, do you want to go for a drink or something? Tonight, if you’re free?”

Now that, Chanyeol was not expecting. What he had been expecting was a “how are you”, maybe a “what’s up”, not an actual offer to hang out. It crosses Chanyeol’s mind quickly that this might be an offer for a date.

“I’m free tonight,” he offers dumbly. “A drink would be good.” Chanyeol feels like an idiot, as he knows full well he shouldn’t drink. It always makes him more emotional, sometimes embarrassingly so. He isn’t about to lose himself with a stranger, even if that stranger has the cutest smile he’d ever seen.

“Great, um,” Kyungsoo laughs, a hand running through his short hair, “I didn’t think you’d say yes... Shall I give you my number then?”

Chanyeol grins and hands him his phone.

After Kyungsoo has typed in his number, he promises to text Chanyeol later that day, and leaves the cafeteria almost blushing.

Chanyeol joins Minseok and Sehun, who had seen the entire thing. On their way to class, they tease him mercilessly.

**

The text comes just after his class finishes two hours later.

Hey Chanyeol, how does The Tram at 8 sound?

Chanyeol stares at it for a moment before his phone buzzes again.

This is Kyungsoo btw.

As if Chanyeol had forgotten. His thumbs hover over the keypad for a while before typing a reply.

I’ll see you there :)

He isn’t sure if Kyungsoo wants to talk more, but Chanyeol isn’t much of a texter – he’d only recently got Snapchat at Jongdae’s nagging – and it’s only nine hours before the date anyway.

“So, this date, what were you planning on wearing?” Jongin slings an arm around Chanyeol’s shoulders, the height difference pulling Chanyeol down.

Chanyeol whines, trying to pull Jongin off as they stumble through the hallway. “I don’t know, Jongin, leave me alone.”

“Well you’re changing right? That hoodie doesn’t do you any favours,” Sehun says, just behind them.

Chanyeol rolls his eyes pointedly but smiles at their persistence, “Yes, I’m changing. It was bad enough you talking about it all through class, can’t you give me a moments peace? Just this once?”

“But Yeollie, we have to be involved, that’s what friends do,” Jongin pulls his arm away so Chanyeol can readjust the guitar sitting on his back.

Chanyeol sighs, “What would you have me wear? Remember I don’t even know if it’s a proper date.”

Sehun claps his hands together, grinning, “Of course it’s a proper date! You’ve got to be dressed up a bit. A shirt maybe? Do you even own a real shirt?”

Chanyeol scoffs, “Yes, Sehun, I do.”

“News to me. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in anything other than hoodies and tshirts,” Jongin points out and Chanyeol shrugs.

“You’d better send pics before you leave. We can’t let you go out without our approval,” Sehun says, “Now, what shoes are you going to wear?”

**

Sehun has already decided Chanyeol’s entire outfit by the time Chanyeol gets back to his room. He pulls the shirt from its hanger and finds the right jeans in amongst the mess on his floor, and somehow locates the fancy shoes Sehun told him to find. Laying them out beside each other, Chanyeol can see the outfit working. There’s just one problem: everyone knows that guys with shirts looked a million times better when they have their sleeves rolled up. Though it has nothing to do with luck, Chanyeol thinks he’s unlucky that rolled sleeves just can’t happen.

Even so, at seven he pulls on the outfit and checks himself in the mirror. The shirt was almost loose on his torso, and the jeans made his legs look like bean poles, but he wasn’t sure what could be done about those, so he snaps a picture quickly and sends it without looking at it. Instantly, he gets a reply.

From gayby: hm. ok. that works

From dancingKing: cute af!

Chanyeol doesn’t wait for Minseok reply before grabbing his coat and leaving the flat. In the autumn air the walk is cold and the wind whips about his hair. He reaches the pub in record timing, ten minutes before he’s due to meet Kyungsoo. Going in, he notices how quiet the place is for a Thursday night: a few people are dotted across the tables, and a few men sit at the bar chatting to the tall bartender. Just as he is about to find a table to sit down at, a hand taps his shoulder gently and he spins, face to face with Kyungsoo.

“Kyungsoo! I was just about to find us a table. You’re early, you know,” Chanyeol grins in nervousness, and Kyungsoo reflects it back.

“Here?” he says, finding a table by the window. Chanyeol nods and sits opposite, draping his jacket over the chair. Kyungsoo continues, “What did you want to drink? I’ll buy the first round.”

Chanyeol blanks, “Uh… just a cider? Something fruity, I don’t mind what.”

Kyungsoo nods and Chanyeol watches as he greets the bartender like an old friend. Breathing deeply, Chanyeol knows to calm himself before he gets any more worked up, if he was calm there was less chance to ruin anything. He had answered cider before his brain could remind him that he shouldn’t drink, but at least it wasn’t vodka or something stronger. He watches as Kyungsoo carries two ciders back to their table and sets them down. Again, they smile at each other, awkward.

“So, what course are you doing?” Chanyeol asks, taking a sip of his drink.

“Film and tv production. Are you doing music? Didn’t I see you with a guitar the other day?” Kyungsoo says.

“Yep, music production, same faculty,” Chanyeol says, finding himself drinking quickly to fill the spaces when Kyungsoo is speaking and calm his nerves.

“I didn’t want to mention this...” smiles Kyungsoo, and Chanyeol blanches.

“Oh God, what?”

“I saw you at the faculty karaoke night in freshers week,” Kyungsoo says.

Chanyeol buries his face in his hands, “You didn’t… In my defence I was very drunk and when someone says you can sing What Does the Fox Say in front of a crowd of people really what are you supposed to do? Pass up that chance? I don’t think so.”

Kyungsoo laughs loudly, his eyes turning to slits. “Well, of course.”

“Of course. God, was it really that memorable?” Chanyeol leans back and looks at Kyungsoo, his cheeks pink with embarrassment.

“Only because I thought you were cute.”

Kyungsoo’s smile is soft.

**

Chanyeol’s hand brushes against Kyungsoo’s as they walk in the darkness, and at some point he feels brave enough to take it. Kyungsoo smiles at their intertwined fingers but says nothing. He walks quickly. Chanyeol’s long legs keep up easily.

When they reach Chanyeol’s flat he unlocks the door with shaking hands. He lets them into his room and meets Kyungsoo’s eyes. In the small room, Kyungsoo’s back is against the door and Chanyeol is only inches away. In the silence, Chanyeol closes the inches between them and crashes his lips against Kyungsoo’s. Their teeth clatter together as hands find their ways around bodies. They hold tight like they might never feel this again.

Kyungsoo is the first to pull away, his lips swollen and red. His hands trace the lines of Chanyeol’s face, then move down to remove Chanyeol’s jacket from his shoulders. He shakes it off the rest of the way. Kyungsoo closes his eyes and smiles again. Chanyeol decides he loves that smile. Maybe he decided that a while ago. Bringing his hands to take off Kyungsoo’s jacket in turn, Chanyeol’s lips meet Kyungsoo’s again. Sweeter than before. Almost gentle. Caring.

With Kyungsoo’s jacket off, he pushes Chanyeol back, kicking off his own shoes. Chanyeol’s legs meet the bed and he sits heavily, breathing a laugh as their lips are separated. Kyungsoo’s pupils are blown wide as he takes off his sweater and moves back to continue kissing Chanyeol.

It feels like nothing.

It still feels like nothing when Chanyeol lays back on the bed and Kyungsoo falls with him. The kisses grow frantic. There’s a need that Kyungsoo can feel from Chanyeol when his tongue enters his mouth. Kyungsoo reciprocates. His hands travel up and down Chanyeol’s body, over his chest, and when they reach his neck he hears Chanyeol whine beneath him.

The sound is addicting. Kyungsoo moves to kiss Chanyeol’s neck, sucking purple bruises into the skin and the dips around his collarbones. He leaves kisses all the way down the other’s neck, eliciting low moans. Kyungsoo wants to go lower; his hands come up to undo the buttons of the shirt to allow him access. Chanyeol doesn’t stop him as Kyungsoo opens the shirt, and doesn’t stop him as he leaves kisses across his chest and down to his stomach.

Without warning, Kyungsoo’s hand is palming Chanyeol’s erection through his jeans and he thrusts slowly upward into it.

“Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol says.

Kyungsoo meets his eyes. He takes his hand from Chanyeol, but only to remove his own shirt. As Chanyeol watches, he sits up slightly to take off his own shirt. The cuts brush against the sleeve as it’s taken off.

They start again. They kiss until there’s no breath left, until Chanyeol is moaning beneath Kyungsoo’s hand. Kyungsoo undoes the belt easily and Chanyeol lifts his hips to snake out of the trousers and underwear. Chanyeol gasps when a hand is wrapped around him. Kyungsoo moves slowly. Moaning into Kyungsoo’s mouth, Chanyeol’s nails grasp against the soft flesh of Kyungsoo’s back.

When Chanyeol is too gone to kiss Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo leaves pecks over his neck, his sore lips enjoying the little contact. The unoccupied hand wanders across Chanyeol’s body, and ghosts over the scars that litter his arms. Chanyeol finishes in Kyungsoo’s hand, breathing deep and his eyelids heavy. Kyungsoo likes the way his cheeks are dusted in pink.

“Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol says again.

“Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo smiles.


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings for this one in the story tags, again, be careful! know ur limits and all that!  
> 2 months went by so fast for me haha sorry for the wait!! next chapter will def be quicker and I hope this ones ok! let me know!!

In the small bed, Chanyeol wakes with an arm around Kyungsoo. The duvet is long gone and if Chanyeol cranes his neck he can see it on the floor. He doesn’t want to wake the other, but he realises that his arms are bare. In fact, all of him is bare and although Kyungsoo is too, there’s something incredibly embarrassing about lying there naked. Chanyeol notices that the arm wrapped around Kyungsoo’s shoulders is very clearly showing the cuts. If Kyungsoo opens his eyes, he would be looking right at them. Another reason to get the duvet. Or a shirt would be better. 

With his free arm, Chanyeol reaches as far as he can for the duvet. His fingers just brush the corner when Kyungsoo stirs. Taking advantage of Kyungsoo’s movements, Chanyeol leans quickly to grab the duvet properly and throws it over themselves, covering his arm. 

“Morning,” Chanyeol says, his chest fluttering with anxiety. 

“Morning,” Kyungsoo says, blinking owlishly. 

“Your breath stinks,” Chanyeol grins back and Kyungsoo splutters out a laugh. 

“You can talk!” 

They grow quiet and Chanyeol isn’t sure what to do next. He had never imagined that something like this would happen to him, he hadn’t even wanted it until he saw that look in Kyungsoo’s eyes the night before. Kyungsoo’s head is heavy on his shoulder and the duvet is too warm. 

“I should go,” Kyungsoo says. Chanyeol thinks he shouldn’t be relieved, but he is. Immensely so. 

“Do you need to borrow a shirt or anything?” 

“I don’t think so. Okay, I’m going,” Kyungsoo smiles awkwardly and lifts the duvet. If he notices the cuts or scars he doesn’t say anything as he clambers over Chanyeol and starts picking up his clothes. Chanyeol sits up to recover himself but averts his eyes when Kyungsoo bends. 

Kyungsoo looks like he wants to say something as he pulls on his jeans but doesn’t. Chanyeol doesn’t push. The air is heavy and smells like sex, all Chanyeol wanted to do was slink back under the covers and go back to sleep or at least close his eyes to forget what had happened. His cheeks grow hot when he thinks about it. Kyungsoo looks as embarrassed as Chanyeol feels. 

“I’ve never done this before,” Kyungsoo says. 

“Me neither. I don’t know the protocol,” Chanyeol gives a breathy laugh. “I’ll see you around?” 

“I’ll see you around, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo says. 

Kyungsoo doesn’t meet Chanyeol’s eyes. He leaves quickly, letting the door slam shut behind him and Chanyeol releases the breath he’s been holding.

Lying down on his side, Chanyeol grabs his phone from the desk beside the bed and the screen flashes with missed messages. The group chat has fifty new messages, mostly about him, mostly about Kyungsoo, and some about how Kyungsoo had obviously murdered him and that’s why he wasn’t answering. He isn’t sure if he wants to talk to anyone right now, so he unlocks the phone and leaves the messages on read.

Chanyeol dicks around on Facebook for a few minutes before his phone buzzes in his hand. 

gayby: well hes not dead guys hes read the messages 

Minnie: Yeollie?? How did the date go? 

Chanyeol reads these too. 

elfears: guys fifty messages?? really?? 

gayby: what were we supposed to do :(( we didn’t know if u were ok 

Chanyeol smiles a little before replying. 

elfears: im fiiiiine sehun. the date was cool

gayby: is that all we get. chanyeol I s2g if u don’t tell me more rn im coming over 

elfears: theres not much to say!! 

gayby: thats it. minnie get ur coat 

Chanyeol watches as Sehun tries to goad Minseok into conspiring to get the full story, and he isn’t sure what he can tell them if they do decide to come over. Panic starts rising as Chanyeol realises that Sehun is actually on his way over.

elfears: sehun if you come over rn I’m leaving you outside in the cold. dont say I didn’t warn you 

Chanyeol lays the phone beside his head, the screen still on the group chat and pinging every few seconds. He doesn’t read them. Instead he looks at the arm that stretches across the bed. The cuts have grown pinker around the edges and he runs a finger across them, feeling their heat. It’s times like this when Chanyeol thinks his arms don’t belong to him. 

He jerks when his phone starts buzzing. Forgetting to check the caller ID, he picks it up quickly. 

“Hello?” He sits up. 

“Hey, it’s Minseok. Just wanted to make sure you were okay? You don’t need to worry about Sehun, I don’t think he’d actually come over in this weather, he’s too precious for that. You know he’s not even coming to class today? I just… wanted to make sure the date was okay,” Minseok laughs nervously.

“Hey, yeah, I’m okay. We just… hung out. Yeah. It was cool,” Chanyeol says, not sure if he believes his own words. He doesn’t know why he doesn’t tell Minseok what happened. Out of the group he was the least likely to make fun of him yet there was just something, like a lump in his throat, that stopped him from saying anything more. 

“You sure? You don’t sound great, I can…” Minseok trails, and Chanyeol knows he’s insanely uncomfortable. 

“I’m sure, Minnie. I’m just hungover,” he knows it’s a lie. His voice is rough from sex and cheap cider but he needs an out if he wants Minseok off his back. 

“Okay. Does this mean you’re skipping class again?” 

“I’ll come in, it’d be good to get out the flat.” 

Minseok seems satisfied and wishes Chanyeol luck with braving the wind. 

When he hangs up, Chanyeol hangs his head, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes. His hands are warm, which is nice. When he pulls his hands away he inspects the cuts again, watching as the scabs break and bleed when he stretches the skin with his fingertips. The beads of blood are fine, they won’t drip, so Chanyeol throws the duvet off himself and collects his towel for the shower. 

*** 

As promised, the wind is biting and dust from the roads flies into Chanyeol’s eyes as he walks. He’s thankful for the thick red scarf that protects his mouth and nose. He’s also thankful that he wasn’t going to be too early for class, meaning he wouldn’t have to meet the guys beforehand and be bombarded with questions. The cold on his skin reminds him of the warmth Kyungsoo’s touch gave him. 

When he gets to the campus, he goes straight to the classroom. It’s one of the hard to get to ones, up some stairs, round the corner, through the dorm building and out again, round some more corners, through part of the library. He still doesn’t have the route memorised. When he does finally arrive, his classmates are already in the room and he enters quietly, giving a small smile to Luhan, who already has the PowerPoint up. 

Whoever thought to have two hour seminars should be shot mercilessly, Chanyeol thinks at the end. Luhan didn’t even give them a break! There was almost a riot when he said he’d just follow through but the class survived, just. Chanyeol throws his things into his bag and makes to leave before Luhan stops him.

“Chanyeol, a word?” 

He stops and watches his classmates file out, jealous. He turns to Luhan.

“Yes?” Chanyeol blinks at him. 

“When was the last time we saw each other?” Luhan asks, leaning on a desk. Chanyeol would like to say he likes the man, but honestly has no idea how he feels about him, because he’s barely seen him. He looks young enough to be a student. 

“Maybe week two of this semester? A few weeks?” Chanyeol holds onto the strap of his backpack like a lifeline. 

“You haven’t been in class for four weeks. I was going to email you today if you didn’t turn up. I just want to make sure you’re keeping on top of what we’ve been doing, looking at the PowerPoints I put online.” 

Chanyeol nods, knowing full well he has never opened a single of his PowerPoints in his life. “I’m on it, Luhan. I’m on top of it.” 

Chanyeol hadn’t actually realised it had been so long since last going to Luhan’s class. It just happened that they were bad days in the last few weeks so had missed that class every week. He couldn’t help it if they were all Fridays. 

“If you’re ever having problems don’t be afraid to reach out, uni can be overwhelming sometimes. You can always email me, though I can’t promise I’ll reply very quickly,” Luhan laughs, then turns to the computer. 

“Thanks,” Chanyeol says, his chest feels like it’s buzzing. As he leaves his phone dings. He pulls it out as he walks back through all the corridors. It’s a private message from Minseok.

Minnie: Hey, you around? I’m in the café on the second floor.

Chanyeol bites his lip, then taps out a reply.

elfears: on my way

When he gets there, Minseok spots him instantly and smiles. Chanyeol grabs a bottle of sparkling water from the bar. As he sits down opposite Minseok, Chanyeol remembers he hadn’t eaten anything today, but decides it’s too late as he already paid. 

“Alright?” Chanyeol asks, realising how thirsty he is and downing half the bottle. 

Minseok laughs as Chanyeol’s eyes water with the fizz. “I’m good, you?” 

“Yeah, I’m alright,” Chanyeol says, smiling. 

“How was class? Luhan say anything about you missing the last few weeks?” Minseok smirks. 

“He was all over me, he’s obviously in love with me as he cares so much, you know.”

“Oh totally,” Minseok sips his coffee. There’s a moment before he continues, “I’m sorry if I overstepped calling you this morning. I was worried and Sehun can be such an ass.” 

“He really can be, but it’s fine, I get it. I know you worry too much.” Chanyeol’s smile is warm and understanding. 

Minseok nods. “Do you… want to talk about last night? I’m less worried but I’m still curious as anyone would be when their friend might have pulled.” 

“Pulled?” Chanyeol splutters, “What are we, twelve?” 

“Hey, I haven’t had a relationship in so long I don’t know the lingo anymore.”

“The lingo? Man, you ARE old,” Chanyeol laughs. 

“Well whatever you younguns call it then, did you get any?” 

Chanyeol plays with the label on his water bottle, tearing it off into little pieces. “Yeah, I did. I don’t know what happens next though.” 

Minseok nods, “You could text him? See how he feels about it.” 

“Ah, I don’t know. He left in such a weird way this morning.” 

“He stayed the night?” 

Chanyeol purses his lips together, reading the words on the scraps of label to avoid the question. “I don’t know if he enjoyed it. Maybe he was only planning it to be a one night thing, do you think? I mean, I think I’d like to see him again. It’s just weird,” he says. 

“Are you okay about it? About what happened last night?” 

Chanyeol allows himself to smile, “I think so. I want to know he’s okay. I feel like I shouldn’t message him yet though, right?” 

“Don’t ask me,” Minseok says. 

They fall into a comfortable silence, watching other students pass through. 

“Do you want to be in another relationship?” Chanyeol asks suddenly, the side of his mouth turning up into a smile. 

“Who knows, honestly. It’d be nice, but I’m not looking. I tried Tinder for a while,” Minseok says.

Chanyeol’s eyebrows rise, “Oh really? How was it?” 

Minseok laughs, “It was a fucking disaster.” 

Chanyeol laughs loudly with him, clutching his belly and silently blaming the Kyungsoo nerves for the extreme reaction. Minseok almost matches his volume, egged on by each other. 

A while later, Minseok tells Chanyeol he’ll see him around and heads home, a smile on his face. Chanyeol doesn’t stick around. 

When he gets home, the evening is approaching fast and he finds leftovers in the fridge. Leftovers that, admittedly, have been there for a few days now. They don’t smell or look funny, though, so Chanyeol scoffs it down quickly while sitting on his bed in just a t-shirt and boxers and putting Netflix on. He stacks the dirty bowl with the others on his shelf. 

The movie finishes and Chanyeol is bored. He picks up his guitar but can’t be bothered to tune it, so leaves it on the floor without it’s case. He opens the PowerPoint telling him his homework for Monday’s class but doesn’t want to research, so closes it. Lying on the bed, he presses shuffle on Spotify and let’s whatever play. 

Somehow, two hours go by. When his laptop plays a song that reminds him of Kyungsoo – was it playing in the pub last night? – Chanyeol sits up and pauses the music. He peeks out the window, through the gap left between the sill and the blackout blind he keeps mostly closed at all times. It’s fully dark outside. Inside the room, the only light comes from the laptop screen so Chanyeol drags himself up to turn on the desk lamp. The light catches the blade he left on the side and he shrugs to himself, picking it up and putting it closer to the bed. 

Crawling into bed properly, Chanyeol presses play again on the laptop, listening to the song that reminds him of Kyungsoo. His chest feels funny, like it’s hollow and his heartbeat is echoing off the walls. The song brings him back to reality. 

You’re gone but you’re on my mind/ I’m lost but I don’t know why.

The song ends and Chanyeol pulls his knees up to his chest, sitting against the headboard, and sobs into his arms. A more upbeat song starts and Chanyeol slams the spacebar to pause it angrily. His breaths come fast and deep. Then they don’t. Then he’s back to how he was. The only trace are the tear-tracks on his face. 

He takes a trembling sigh and shakes his head. Without looking, his hand reaches for the blade on the side and he turns it over in his fingers until they stop shaking. 

“I don’t have to go anywhere tomorrow,” he rationalises as he always does on nights like these when everything is just a little bit worse. He releases his knees and pushes the duvet away to look at his thighs. They’re a mess of scars. 

He adds some more.


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pfff its been less than a week so? i'm going to try getting it to at least one chapter every two weeks if I can, who knows, maybe every week. this one just felt right to end there, its just ksoo and yeol for like.. all of it. 
> 
> let me know what you think! i'm always up for crit, pls I live for it tell me what I can do to make it better?? thanks for reading!!

At 4am, Chanyeol’s phone screen lights up with a call. 

He’s been sitting staring at his legs for the better part of two hours, music blasting through headphones because his laptop just wasn’t loud enough. A pile of bloody tissues sits on the side. His chest is light now, floaty. He’s come down a bit, but not all the way. He’s been picking at the dried blood and scraps of tissue that broke off when they got too soaked and stuck to his legs. It still doesn’t hurt that much. 

Reaching over, he sees Kyungsoo’s name on the screen. Chanyeol blinks for a minute, trying to get his brain back inside his skull and turning off the music. 

“Hello?” his voice is soft in the silence. 

“Chanyeol? Hey, did I wake you?”

“No, you didn’t. I don’t… even know what time it is,” Chanyeol huffs a laugh, “Are you okay?”. 

Kyungsoo is quiet. “Yeah. Well, maybe? I’ve been worrying about what happened the other night.” 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah.” 

Chanyeol hears the other’s heavy breathing down the phone. He tries to come back further and the noise of another person helps. 

“Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol says. 

Kyungsoo doesn’t answer, but Chanyeol knows he’s still there listening, so continues. 

“I’ve been worrying too. I liked the other night, like a lot and I want to get to know you better, if you’re okay with that.” 

Kyungsoo’s breath hitches. 

Chanyeol asks if he’s okay again. 

“I was sick earlier, I’m better now, I think.” Kyungsoo’s voice is small. 

“I’m glad you’re feeling better.” 

Kyungsoo suddenly says, “Can I see you tomorrow? I mean today?” 

“Sure, I’d like that,” Chanyeol says, then remembers he shouldn’t be walking anywhere tomorrow. “Can it be somewhere around here? There’s a café by the train station?” 

He hears Kyungsoo’s sigh of relief, “That would be great. At two?” 

“Sounds good.”

“Thank you,” Kyungsoo says. 

Chanyeol smiles, “Thank you too, Kyungsoo. Goodnight.” 

Chanyeol locks his phone, plugs it in, and leaves it on the side. He’s not particularly tired but should at least try to sleep before the sun comes up. He lays down, his thighs protesting as the skin is pulled. He knows he’ll have to wash his sheets tomorrow, he was prepared for that. There’s no way he won’t bleed, he’s just thankful for mattress protectors. Just as he drifts off, he wonders how much Kyungsoo remembers of his body.

***

The alarm wakes Chanyeol at twelve. He attempts to roll over to turn it off but his thigh is stuck to the sheet with blood. Throwing the duvet off, he turns the alarm off and half sits to carefully peel his skin away from the bed. He gasps quietly when it unsticks. 

There’s no way he can shower today. That really would be suicide and he would end up on the floor barely able to walk from the pain. His hair is okay, at least, and he ruffles it in the mirror. 

He sighs, watching a trail of blood run down a leg and knowing that he can’t pull on his jeans without doing something about this first. For times like this, he keeps a huge number of plasters in the drawer beneath his pencil sharpener drawer. He cuts and sticks plasters together and prays to whatever is out there that no blood will get through. It’s patchy, but it should do. 

Chanyeol’s jeans squeeze around his thighs, tighter than ever it feels like. He debates wearing his big hoodie, but reconsiders when he remembers he’s seeing Kyungsoo. Instead, it’s another hoodie, but this one fits him better. 

The walk to the café isn’t bad. It isn’t comfortable but Chanyeol is sure he’s had worse and he’s grateful that he can’t see any wet patches on his thighs yet. He orders a coffee and finds a seat in the corner, but still in view for when Kyungsoo comes in. 

Kyungsoo arrives only five minutes later, twenty minutes before they’re due to meet, but Chanyeol knew he’d been early so had been extra early himself. He gives a tiny wave as he orders his coffee, then joins Chanyeol at the table, sitting across the table. Chanyeol watches Kyungsoo’s hands wring together. 

“How are you doing?” Chanyeol asks, hoping to relax Kyungsoo. 

“I’m good,” says Kyungsoo, his hands deciding to settle around his coffee cup. “You?” 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m good.” 

Kyungsoo takes a long drink. Chanyeol thinks he must have burnt his tongue. 

After a minute Kyungsoo says, “I want to get to know you too.” 

The two share a smile and sip from their drinks. 

He’s shyer now, “Did you… did you like the other night? Was I okay?” 

Chanyeol sees the concern on Kyungsoo’s face and feels a pang of something. “Of course, you were great,” he tries to reassure. “But maybe, let’s not do that again until we know each other better?”

Kyungsoo agrees, looking more comfortable.

A thought crosses Chanyeol’s mind: how much of that night would they end up talking about? Chanyeol again wonders about how much of his arms or thighs Kyungsoo had seen, or if he had even noticed. They had only had the lamp on, but Chanyeol knows his scars catch the light in the worst way. 

“Are you doing anything today?” Kyungsoo says.

“Nothing at all,” Chanyeol says before his brain catches up and he mentally kicks himself. His brain is telling him it’s too early to have another date, too soon to be doing this without any warning. 

“Me neither. Have you had lunch?” Kyungsoo asks, finishing his coffee. 

Chanyeol shakes his head and Kyungsoo’s face flashes with something else for a moment. He turns around in his chair, scanning. Chanyeol frowns at his almost nervous movements. 

“Let’s get lunch then?” Kyungsoo says. “They do food here, right? Oh, there’s the board.” 

“What do you want? It can be my treat,” Chanyeol offers and Kyungsoo turns back to look at him.

“Thank you.” 

Chanyeol goes up to order for them both having taken Kyungsoo’s order and when he gets back the air feels awkward. 

“Tell me more about you, Kyungsoo?” Chanyeol tries, “What made you want to do tv production?” 

Kyungsoo shrugs, “I always liked media, I guess. It just seemed the logical choice.” 

“I know that feeling,” Chanyeol snorts. 

“Don’t you want to do music?” 

“Oh no, I mean, yes, I want to do music, but the course isn’t quite what I thought it would be,” Chanyeol says. 

Kyungsoo nods. Chanyeol wonders why he suddenly looks so small. 

“Are you okay? If you’re nervous there’s no need to be,” Chanyeol says. 

“I’m not nervous,” Kyungsoo says too quickly, “I’ve just… never had lunch with a cute guy before.” 

Chanyeol chooses to ignore the lie behind Kyungsoo’s teeth and smiles. He hopes that whatever is bothering him won’t last for long. 

“Is there anything else about the other night you think we should talk about?” Kyungsoo says eventually. 

“I… can’t think of anything?” Chanyeol is nearly panicking, maybe Kyungsoo means for him to bring up his scars but he won’t. He can’t. 

“I mean, I don’t know about you, Chanyeol, but I got far too drunk,” Kyungsoo fiddles with the coffee cup. “I just wanted to apologise for that. I usually don’t get like that after a few ciders. I realised yesterday I’m not supposed to have alcohol with what I’m taking,” he laughs but his face falls quickly. 

“Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol waits until the other looks at him, “You don’t need to worry. We’ll be more careful.” 

Kyungsoo nods, “Thank you.” 

Chanyeol hopes his smile comforts Kyungsoo somewhat as their sandwiches are placed on the table. He watches as Kyungsoo goes to pull apart his sandwich from the top, then closes his eyes. 

“Is everything okay?” Chanyeol says tentatively. 

“Sorry. I’m weird with food,” Kyungsoo tries to give a breathy laugh but it gets caught in his throat. 

“It’s okay. We don’t have to eat if you don’t want to. I understand,” Chanyeol says. 

“No, no we have to. You can’t not eat.” Kyungsoo gestures to Chanyeol’s food for him to start eating and only when Chanyeol picks up the sandwich does Kyungsoo do the same. 

“Did you hear there was a fire the other day at uni? I was there when it happened,” Chanyeol says with his mouth full. 

“I didn’t hear anything, what happened?” 

“Oh it was mental!” he gesticulates wildly, “I was in class, and I could see out the window these two massive fire trucks pulled up. We couldn’t smell any smoke but this guy comes in and he says we need to get out. Honestly, most exciting thing ever to happen at uni.” 

Chanyeol feels warm as Kyungsoo laughs genuinely with him. 

“So, the smoke alarm just… didn’t go off?” he says. 

“Nope, it did on the other floors but we were some of the only people that couldn’t hear it. I thought someone was trying to burn down the whole uni for a second, but they said it was just a fan in the roof caught fire,” Chanyeol pouts.

“Oh, that’s a shame it wasn’t more exciting, a shame you weren’t burnt to a crisp,” Kyungsoo says and Chanyeol folds his arms… Or tries to with a handful of sandwich. 

“You know what, it IS a shame. Thank you, Kyungsoo, for acknowledging my pain at not being horrifically killed.” 

“You’re very welcome, it must be so hard for you.” 

When they finish their sandwiches, the smile on Kyungsoo’s face isn’t forced like Chanyeol thinks it might have been when they started eating. Their plates are taken away and they look at each other across the table. 

“What now?” Chanyeol says, finding himself wanting more time with Kyungsoo. “Do you want to do something?” 

“Um, sure, what is there to do around here? I don’t usually come this way.” 

Chanyeol’s mind goes completely blank. “Well, there’s… I think there’s a bowling alley round the corner? Or maybe it’s a cinema… Maybe it’s both?” 

“Shall we go find out?” 

*** 

The pain in his legs isn’t bad, but the constant nagging and pulling is telling him he shouldn’t walk too far unless he wants to explain a bloodstain. Still, they walk slower than they did the other evening, and Chanyeol feels more confident when he lets his hand slip into Kyungsoo’s. Kyungsoo’s hand is cold in the wind. 

It turns out it’s a whole mess of things inside the building, a bowling alley is front and centre, with a bar and seating area to one side. On the other side is the arcade, and signs point to the stairs for the cinema. 

“What do you want to do?” Chanyeol says, weighing their options. 

“I don’t mind, I haven’t bowled in ages,” Kyungsoo says. 

“Oh really? Shall I beat you at it then?” Chanyeol gives him a sly smile as he starts towards the front desk. 

“Are you really good? You’re going to embarrass me, right?” 

Chanyeol can’t figure out if Kyungsoo is nervous or excited, so settles on both. “I might beat you, but you shouldn’t feel embarrassed about it, I beat everyone.” 

“Oh.” 

Kyungsoo thrashes Chanyeol. He laughs as he rolls another strike – “Isn’t that your fourth strike? How does anyone get FOUR strikes in ONE game? You’re definitely cheating, Do Kyungsoo.” – and they finish the game high on laughter. 

“I thought you were letting me win at first,” Kyungsoo says, his eyes are shaped like crescents as he grins. They wander over to the arcade. 

Chanyeol hasn’t thought about the growing pains in his thighs, and isn’t about to. 

“I had planned on doing that, actually. I was going to be nice,” Chanyeol counters. “I’ll beat you at that racing game though.” 

“You’re so on.” 

Chanyeol loses. Again. In his frustration he runs his hands through his hair and spins, looking for something, anything, that he could absolutely murder Kyungsoo at. 

“Okay, here’s one. Dancemaster, you any good?” Chanyeol says, a glint in his eye. 

“Let’s see, shall we?” 

Chanyeol sets it to difficult – knowing full well even he can’t handle that speed – but his desire to see Kyungsoo failing at something has him forgetting himself. The song starts slow, and they’re both relatively in time. Kyungsoo has an odd way of doing it and clings onto the barrier behind him, but okay, Chanyeol thinks, whatever helps him think he’s going to win. It gets faster as the song goes on and Chanyeol finds himself missing more than a few beats of the song. His eyes are transfixed on Kyungsoo’s screen which is showing him that Kyungsoo is doing just as bad. 

Chanyeol feels the competitiveness in him rising as he might actually be able to win this game? Maybe? So he goes for it, all out. His hands wave in the air and his lips are pursed in concentration. His thighs are stinging, but he has to win this game. He has to win something. 

But then his foot falls further than it’s supposed to. He’s stepped too far over and missed the board completely, yelping as he lands on the carpet. 

Chanyeol throws his head back in laughter and he hears Kyungsoo’s nervous laugh join in. 

“Are you okay?” Kyungsoo asks, the game forgotten about. He offers a hand to Chanyeol who takes it gratefully.

“I’m great, that was hilarious, I bet I won though.” 

Chanyeol goes to look at the screen as the song ends. He glares as the numbers change, counting up to their scores and he whoops in delight. 

“I told you I’d win this one!” Chanyeol says loudly. 

Kyungsoo laughs again, stronger this time, “Well done!” 

Chanyeol grins at him, full of pride. Suddenly, Kyungsoo is on his tiptoes with his lips against Chanyeol’s cheek. It’s just for a second and then it’s gone. 

Any notion of confidence that Kyungsoo had is gone when he asks Chanyeol if he wants to play anything else while they’re there. 

Chanyeol shakes his head, “I saw a slushie machine behind the bar.” 

Kyungsoo sighs like a worn out parent, “And now you want one? Okay, let’s go get you a slushie.” 

“Who even thought of having a slushie machine behind a bar anyway? I wonder if they mix it with anything? Imagine gin and slushie,” Chanyeol wrinkles his nose as they cross the foyer into the bar. 

Kyungsoo pays for the slushie – it has two straws on Chanyeol’s insistence – and they sit down on small round things that look more like footrests than chairs. 

“Here, try some,” Chanyeol shoves the drink under Kyungsoo’s nose, who jumps when the icy condensation hits his leg. 

He rubs at his with his sweater paws then gestures to Chanyeol’s leg, “It looks like you’ve got some too, isn’t that cold?” 

Chanyeol looks down to where Kyungsoo is pointing. In the low light of the bar the stain on his jeans could be water, but Chanyeol knows it isn’t.


	4. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I said i'd update every two weeks, you know, like a liar. I've had this written for almost two weeks now and I didn't know where I wanted to go from the end without starting a whole new thing so its kinda a short chapter?? but. there we go. thanks for reading!!

Chanyeol is drifting. His skull doesn’t have a brain, only jelly that squishes and sloshes around behind his eyeballs. He’s not sure if he’s breathing but he’s not sure if he cares. His hands are braced against the cubicle wall of the bathroom, it’s cold and hard but feels like nothing. The wall is grey and fills his vision, growing and growing around his peripherals until he has to close his eyes from how loud the colour is. It’s trying to bring back his brain, he thinks. 

“Chanyeol?” 

He feels his chest rising, falling, and he knows he’s coming back. 

“Are you okay? What’s wrong?” 

Something in Chanyeol laughs, it might have been out loud. There’s a hand on his back now, stroking the material of the hoodie gently. 

“Chanyeol, whatever you need, tell me? Can you do that for me?” Kyungsoo says and Chanyeol’s brain slams back into his skull like a sledgehammer. 

“Sorry,” Chanyeol whispers, blinking, “Give me a second.” 

Kyungsoo nods and backs out the cubicle, closing the door behind him. “There’s no one in here,” he says, “So just let me know when you’re ready.” 

Chanyeol becomes slowly aware of his own body. His chest heaving and the wetness on his cheeks. He wipes it away quickly as his hands come back to reality. He steadies his breath and opens the cubicle door. 

“Sorry, Kyungsoo, I… I’m sorry.” What else could he say? 

Kyungsoo takes a deep breath, “It’s okay. Well, no it isn’t, but what can I do to help?” 

“I want to go home, please.” 

Kyungsoo offers his hand to Chanyeol who takes it and allows himself to be lead from the bathroom to the bar and outside. 

“It’s lucky you live so close, huh?” Kyungsoo is shaking but Chanyeol doesn’t notice because he’s trying to focus on keeping his feet moving. 

“There’s stairs here to your flat. Chanyeol?” 

Chanyeol nods, the steps are less solid than they should be. Kyungsoo asks for his keys and unlocks the door for them both, leading Chanyeol in his bedroom. Kyungsoo sits beside him on the bed. 

“Can you talk to me please? I’m scared,” Kyungsoo says. 

“Yeah. Yeah, sorry,” Chanyeol rubs his hands over his face, maybe a bit more harshly than he means to. “You saw, right?” 

Kyungsoo closes his eyes, “I did, but it’s okay. It’s really okay. If you… if you were in pain you just had to tell me. We didn’t have to do any of that today.” 

Chanyeol bows his head. 

“Do you want me to leave?” 

Chanyeol feels weak. He shakes his head. “Stay for now.” 

“Okay.” 

Chanyeol’s hands find Kyungsoo’s. They sit in the silence as the sun starts to go down and the room grows darker. 

“Hey, you should change your jeans. Change into pyjamas? I can help you if you need me to,” Kyungsoo says. 

“No, I’m fine, Kyungsoo. Is it okay if you leave now?” Chanyeol doesn’t meet his eyes. 

“Oh. Yes. I’m sorry, you should’ve said something. Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Kyungsoo stands up, untangling their fingers. 

“I’m sure. Thank you,” Chanyeol says. 

Kyungsoo leaves with a sad smile and a promise to text him another time. Once he’s alone, Chanyeol stays sitting on the bed staring at the huge red stain on his jeans until it’s too dark in the room to see it. Then he gets up and switches on the lamp. He pulls off the jeans quickly and the makeshift plaster comes with them, soaked in blood. 

***

The rest of the evening is quiet. He doesn’t want to listen to music, so sticks on a film he’s seen a thousand times and leaves it playing as he gathers up his sheets from the bed and the jeans to throw in the washing machines. At some point he pulled on his pyjama bottoms, knowing they’d be less likely to show any blood as he walks to the machines downstairs. 

While he waits for his washing, he goes back to the bedroom and tidies the clothes from the floor and takes the dirty bowls and cutlery into the kitchen to sit beside the sink. 

The room doesn’t look any different really, but Chanyeol is happy for the distraction. 

He watches the end of the movie without checking his phone. He collects his sheets and makes his bed, but when the film finishes he has no other distraction and unlocks it. The group chat has a few dozen messages, nothing about him though, and there’s a text from Kyungsoo he doesn’t want to open but does anyway. 

let me know if you need anything x

It was sent just after he had left and Chanyeol bites his lip as he replies.

thank you for helping me earlier x

He wonders if he should say anything else. An apology would be good, he thinks, but he can’t bring himself to do it. He’ll apologise next time they see each other. It’ll be awkward for sure, but that’s a problem for Future Chanyeol. The reply is almost instant.

it’s okay, I hope you’re okay x

Chanyeol smiles at his phone, his eyes wet. He knows he doesn’t have to reply. 

***

Chanyeol spends the next day in bed, only getting out to cook himself noodles in the afternoon. He composes into the night and wonders if Kyungsoo is the inspiration. 

***

Monday starts slow. His first class isn’t too early so Chanyeol goes in without thinking about it much. The cuts on his legs aren’t going to bleed through his jeans this time, he knows that when there’s only a little bit on the bedsheets that’s when it’s safe to walk to the uni. 

He meets Sehun and Minseok in the cafeteria a half hour before the class. 

“Hey! How was the date? You didn’t give us ANY info, what’s up with that?” Sehun instantly spurts when Chanyeol sits down. 

“I just like to torture you, Sehun,” Chanyeol says. 

“Well? Come on, what happened? I deserve to know, I picked the outfit after all,” Sehun grins, his hands folding under his chin to listen. Minseok looks nervously between them. 

“It was cool. We saw each other Saturday too, if you must know.” Chanyeol feels confident, he knows he won’t tell them what happened exactly, of course he won’t, but he can still boast about the date. 

“You did?” Minseok says. 

Chanyeol nods, smiling softly, “Yep, I think we’ll be seeing each other again. I like him.” 

“That’s really good, Chanyeol, I’m happy for you,” Minseok smiles back. 

“Did you fuck him yet? Oh what am I saying, you’re a bottom, did he fuck you yet?” Sehun says and Chanyeol rolls his eyes. 

“How do you even know- You know what, never mind, but no, we didn’t do that yet. We went bowling and I beat him at Dancemaster.” 

“Did I just hear you say you BEAT him at Dancemaster? He must be really shit then,” Sehun laughs. 

“Fuck off, Sehun,” Chanyeol says with a glint in his eye. 

Jongin greets them happily and sits down, “You talking about Chanyeol’s boyfriend?” 

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Chanyeol argues. 

“Yet,” says Sehun, and Chanyeol hits his arm. 

“When do we get to meet him? You’re gonna introduce him to us, right?” Jongin says. 

Chanyeol sighs, “I’ll introduce you if we keep doing what we’re doing.” 

Jongin and Sehun frown at each other, and Sehun says, “You like him, why wouldn’t you keep going out?” 

Chanyeol looks at his phone, pretending to check the time and complains that they’ll be late if they don’t leave for class right this instant. Sehun drops the subject, much to Chanyeol’s surprise, and they walk to class talking about anything else. 

“I spoke to him,” Minseok says quietly when they’re sitting in the lecture hall. 

Chanyeol gives him a questioning look. 

“Sehun,” Minseok clarifies, “I told him not to tease you so much about Kyungsoo.” 

“Oh okay,” Chanyeol says. 

“I hope that’s okay, I just knew you weren’t feeling great about what happened and I didn’t want him to push you.”

“Oh,” Chanyeol says. 

The hour goes by at a snail’s pace but finally the lecturer dismisses them and Chanyeol gathers his notebook, shoving them into his backpack and trying to leave quickly, uttering a goodbye to the others. 

“Hey, Yeoll!” Sehun calls, jogging to catch up with Chanyeol in the hallway. “We were just talking about going out on Wednesday. It’s student night at Riot so it’ll be cheap. Are you in?” 

Chanyeol only slows his pace slightly. “Sure, where’s pre-drinks?” 

“Pres are at mine, of course. Do you want to invite Kyungsoo? I promise I won’t be a bitch… Uh, I won’t be as much of a bitch,” Sehun grins. 

“Nah, maybe next time. I don’t want his first time meeting all of you to be when you’re off your faces,” a smile nearly creeps onto Chanyeol’s face.

Sehun glares, “We aren’t THAT bad, but whatever. Hey, Minseok said you said it was weird with Kyungsoo. From how you were talking earlier I’d say that its better?” 

Chanyeol feels like he’s sighed way too many times today, “I don’t know, I’m just going to see what happens next.” 

“What happened?” 

“I’ll see you Wednesday, okay? Text me what time!” Chanyeol says, turning into the bathrooms to hide before he told Sehun, gossip queen, anything else. 

He hears Sehun call after him, “Chanyeol, you bitch!”, and smiles. 

After a few minutes he knows it’s safe to come out again, but still has another hour to kill before his next class. He considers going to the cafeteria only very briefly before deciding against it and heading to the library instead. 

Chanyeol finds a seat in the corner with a computer and gets out his notebook, intending to finish the notes on that lecture, or maybe even start last weeks homework. The library is quiet for a Monday afternoon but Chanyeol isn’t complaining, it means the seat next to him is free and the noise is relatively low. 

He notices someone sit down next to him and wonders who on earth would actually take a seat next to someone else when there’s so many free. 

“Hey, I thought that was you,” Chanyeol turns to see Kyungsoo smiling softly, “How are you doing?” 

“Hey,” Chanyeol blinks in surprise, “I’m good, you? I’m sorry about the other day.” Instantly he feels more relaxed just seeing Kyungsoo. 

“I told you, don’t worry about it. It’s lucky I spotted you, I was sitting over there.” Chanyeol looks where Kyungsoo is pointing and three men at the table instantly turn away as if they weren’t just staring at him, only one keeps eye contact and waves happily. 

“Cute,” Chanyeol laughs, waving back. 

“That’s Baekhyun, he’s an idiot,” Kyungsoo says. “Don’t look for too long or he’ll come over. Look away, quick!”

Chanyeol shakes his head, looking back at Kyungsoo. “Am I not allowed to meet your friends?” 

Kyungsoo looks flustered for a moment. “If you really want to?” 

“Stop worrying, Soo,” Chanyeol teases. Kyungsoo blushes at the nickname but doesn’t mention it. 

“I was worried about you, Chanyeol,” he says, “Were you okay the other day?” 

Chanyeol nods, “I was alright, really. I was caught a bit off guard, you know?” 

“Yeah, I know. If you want to talk about it we can. If you don’t, that’s okay too.” 

“Thank you,” Chanyeol says, and he means it. 

Kyungsoo startles as the guy from earlier, Baekhyun, pulls up a chair and sits between them. 

“Baekhyun, what are you doing?” Kyungsoo mock-whispers angrily. 

“What? I can’t say hello to your boyfriend?” Baekhyun has a wolfish smile when he turns to Chanyeol. “Byun Baekhyun. I heard you’re interested in our sweet Kyungsoo.” 

Chanyeol raises his eyebrows, “You heard correctly, Baekhyun.”

“I’m not going to lie, you are cute like he said. Though your kids would have the biggest eyes ever, maybe scary big,” he leans forward to inspect Chanyeol. 

“Thank you, Baekhyun, you can go now,” Kyungsoo says. 

“But Kyungsoo…” Baekhyun whines as he picks himself up and moves back to the other table. 

“I told you you didn’t want to meet him.”

Chanyeol grins, “I can’t wait to meet the rest of them.” 

“Oh, you really can.”


	5. 5

By ten in the evening, Chanyeol is already willing to give up the idea of going to the club for sleeping for the rest of the year. Sehun’s shoulder is insanely comfy – even when Sehun laughs or reaches for his drink – and Chanyeol’s eyes are closed, only half listening to the conversations around the table. 

“Who’s turn next?” someone says. 

“Chanyeol, your turn. Hey, is he okay? He’s not dead, is he?” another laughs. 

“Nah,” Chanyeol could recognise Sehun’s voice anywhere, “He keeps chatting about something or other so he’s definitely not dead.”

Chanyeol frowns, because he thought he’d been quiet for the last few rounds of the game, almost asleep. 

“You’ve been talking about Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo the love of your life, Kyungsoo who you love so much, Kyungsoo the guy with the cutest ass you’ve ever seen.”

Chanyeol lifts his head heavily from Sehun and opens his eyes. “You’re a bitch.” 

“At least you’re awake now. It’s your turn,” Sehun points to the cards on the table. 

“Oh God,” Chanyeol rubs his face, “How long have we been playing Fire? I missed some.” 

“Buddy, we’ve already played three rounds,” Jongin grins. 

“Well, okay then. My turn.” Chanyeol reaches for the cards, picking up a few more than he means to, and drops all but one back down. “Oh. Great.” 

Sehun steals a look at the card and laughs loudly, “Guess who’s drinking that abomination?”, pointing to the glass in the middle of the table. 

“It’s not even worth me drinking it though,” Chanyeol tries to explain, though his mouth is woolly and dry and the words are hard to wrap his lips around. “I can’t taste shit right now.” 

“That’s why you should drink it. None of us are drunk enough yet,” Minseok says. 

“Thanks, Minnie, love you.” Chanyeol pouts at the glass. “What’s in this?” 

“That,” says Sehun, pushing the glass towards him, “is a combination of my beer, Minseok’s vodka cranberry, your own Jack and coke, and while you were dead I even added a little Sourz to it. Drink up.” 

Chanyeol brings the glass to his face. The liquid is brown and shining in the harsh kitchen lights. He downs it in one and the others cheer and shout when the empty glass is thrown back onto the table. 

“The taxi should be here soon,” Minseok says, looking at his phone and Chanyeol wonders when he even phoned for one. Then he wonders how he’s suddenly got his shoes back on and is now standing in the hallway to Sehun’s apartment building. 

“Chanyeol, you have to act sober in front of the bouncers, okay? They’re not going to let us in with you like this,” Sehun says in the taxi and Chanyeol feels like he’s nearly sobering up. Nearly. His head is, once again, resting on someone’s shoulder, though this time he thinks it’s Minseok. 

“Hey, Chanyeol, did you hear that?” Jongin says, reaching across the taxi to slap his face a bit more harshly than necessary. 

“Yes, Jongin, I did,” Chanyeol says, his brain catching up. 

“Why are you being so bad tonight? Did you eat dinner?” Jongin says. 

Chanyeol closes his eyes, “I haven’t eaten today. Sue me.” 

“You haven’t eaten today? At all?” Minseok says, confirming that it is him who Chanyeol is resting on now. 

Sehun and Jongin share a frustrated look. “You know to eat before drinking, it’s rule number one and you’re a lightweight anyway.” 

The line to the club is slow moving but not long, and the wait in the cold wind helps Chanyeol to focus. That familiar cloud in his brain is lifting with the change of scenery and he can even focus on the conversation Sehun and Jongin are having. At least, he thinks he is, until they turn to face him.

“Remember,” Jongin starts, “you have to act sober, just until we’re inside.” 

Chanyeol nods, “I got this.” 

“You better.”

The bouncers barely look at Chanyeol as they go in, being more preoccupied with Jongin’s mesh shirt (“That girl before us was wearing a belt as a skirt, a belt, and you’re complaining that my nips are showing?”). The stairs up to the main area are difficult and Chanyeol thinks they’re badly designed on purpose to stop anyone as drunk as he is to stop them getting up there. Thankfully, Minseok holds his elbow. 

“Guys!” Chanyeol all but screams, surprising even himself. He collects himself at the top of the flight of stairs before asking, “Can we go to the Retro Room? I’m aching for Craig David.” 

“You and Minseok go, you old men will fit right in there,” Sehun says, a cheeky glint in his eye. “Find us when you’re done being embarrassing.” 

“Hey, loving Britney isn’t embarrassing,” Minseok says, taking Chanyeol’s arm again and leading him up another flight of stairs. 

The doors to the Retro Room are painted a neon pink and already they can hear singing, not good singing, to No Scrubs. Chanyeol pushes the doors open, already shouting along to the words. He briefly registers Minseok heading to the bar but dances by himself in the middle of the room. He’s not sure what time it is, but is happy to notice that the room is busier than he’s ever seen it and a crowd have gathered in the middle. They’re all a bit older than Chanyeol and Minseok, but does Chanyeol care? He nearly goes to find Minseok after the song ends, but It Wasn’t Me keeps him on the floor. 

As he screams “it wasn’t me!”, Minseok sidles up beside him to sing the actual tune and hands him a drink. He doesn’t ask what’s in it before taking a long sip. If some spills over the sides as he dances, he doesn’t notice. Minseok bellows a laugh at his attempt at Shaggy’s rap and Chanyeol feels good. 

His drink is gone quickly but, somehow, he’s still able to rap the entirety of U Can’t Touch This which leaves Minseok blinking at him in wonder. 

Another drink is handed to him when he’s dancing with his eyes closed (he’s really feeling The Thong Song) and, when he opens them, Minseok is gone and Kyungsoo is there. 

“Minseok went to the bathroom,” Kyungsoo explains. His eyes are glossy and glazed and he’s smiling wider than Chanyeol has ever seen. “I got you a drink.” 

“Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol draws out the name and pulls Kyungsoo to the side of the dancefloor. “I’m happy to see you.” He wraps his arms around the smaller man in a hug, almost spilling the drink down Kyungsoo’s back. 

Kyungsoo laughs, “I’m happy to see you too. I didn’t know you’d be here.” 

“Me too! I mean. I knew I’d be here. Are you here with people? Wait, when did you meet Minseok?” 

“I met him just now! I saw you dancing together and introduced myself. I’m here with those friends you saw the other day,” Kyungsoo says. 

“Can I meet them? Is Baekhyun here?” 

“Yes! Baekhyun’s here, they’re all at a table in the corner.”

“Your friends and their tables. I want to dance with you first,” Chanyeol says, taking Kyungsoo’s hand. “I’m so glad you like 90s music. We couldn’t be together otherwise.” 

“I completely agree.” 

When 7 Days comes on, Chanyeol all but screams in delight. “I was hoping for Craig,” he explains loudly. 

Their dancing is messy and uncoordinated but in the dim lights it doesn’t matter. Chanyeol sings along dramatically to Kyungsoo, who blushes and laughs and tries to keep his hands to himself. 

At the end of the song, Chanyeol makes a comment he thinks he wouldn’t have said if it wasn’t for the alcohol. 

“We didn’t wait seven days though, did we? Jumped straight to it!”

Kyungsoo’s face might have fallen slightly, but Chanyeol can’t see it in the club and is instantly distracted again when More To Life starts. 

“This was my favourite song as a kid, really spoke to ten-year-old me, you know,” Chanyeol shouts over the music. 

Kyungsoo laughs, “You were chasing down every temporary high at ten years old?” 

“Wait for the key change!” Chanyeol stops moving completely then relaxes totally, “That key change though!” 

As the song ends, Chanyeol glances around and puts down his now-empty glass. “Shouldn’t Minnie have been back by now?” 

“Yeah, where is he? Oh. Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo points to the corner of the room where his friends sit with Minseok. 

Chanyeol takes Kyungsoo’s hand again and leads him over. 

“Chanyeol! I was just meeting Kyungsoo’s friends. Junmyeon, Yixing, and Baekhyun you know apparently,” Minseok points at the three people around the table who wave. 

Baekhyun throws an arm over Minseok’s shoulders, “Minseok’s great, Chanyeol, why didn’t you introduce us before?”.

Chanyeol thinks for a moment, “Because I’ve only met you once?”. 

“Oh,” Baekhyun giggles to himself. 

Minseok turns to Chanyeol and his cheeks are red and puffed with the alcohol. “Should we go find the others? They must be missing us.” 

“Or making out,” Chanyeol replies, earning “oooh”s from the others. 

“Who’s making out?” Chanyeol spins to see Sehun with his arms folded over his chest. “Whatever, we’re joining you in this hellhole.” He gestures for Minseok to scoot over and him and Jongin join them at the table. 

“You don’t like old stuff, huh?” Baekhyun asks and doesn’t listen for the answer. “Hey! Anyone for shots? Remember those donut flavoured ones we had last time, Yixing?” 

Yixing makes a face and nods. “Fucking gross.” 

“They do have 21 other flavours,” Baekhyun pinches his cheek across the table. Minseok leans back to another table and grabs their drinks menu. 

“Jeez, 22 flavours of vodka?” Kyungsoo’s eyes widen. Chanyeol pulls up two chairs for them both. 

“Yeah! They’re all pretty alright, I’ve had a few,” Chanyeol shrugs. “What does everyone want? I’ll get them.” 

The others tell him their orders and Kyungsoo offers to join him to help carry the drinks back.

“Having a good night?” the bartender asks them as he prepares their drinks. 

Chanyeol nods vigorously, which makes his head spin. “I’m having a great night! How long til this place closes?” he asks. 

“About an hour, it’s 2am.” 

Chanyeol nods again, softer, and turns to Kyungsoo. “Are you having a good night?” 

“Yeah, Chanyeol, I haven’t had such a good night in a while,” Kyungsoo says. 

“Me too, Soo,” Chanyeol smiles, and takes one of the shot holders from the bar, leaving the other to Kyungsoo. 

Baekhyun proposes taking them all at the same time but Chanyeol had necked his as soon as he had sat down, earning him a smack from Sehun. 

“You’re way too drunk,” he says as Chanyeol rubs his arm. 

“It’s not my fault though.”

“It kind of is,” Minseok says and Chanyeol shrugs, feeling the shot dragging him down further. 

Chanyeol is miffed when a man comes over to tell them it’s closing time but let’s the others drag him out the club. 

“Home time?” someone asks. 

“Please,” comes the answer. 

Chanyeol focuses on his feet. He doesn’t think he’s heading in a straight line but someone has a hold on his arm. 

“Should we get our Yeollie some food?” Jongin says and Chanyeol sees him gesturing to the kebab shop, making his eyes light up. 

“Onion rings. So many onion rings,” he says, pleading with Kyungsoo on his arm. 

Kyungsoo laughs, “So many onion rings coming up.” 

Chanyeol’s onion rings end up mostly on the floor of the uni when they drop Jongin off at his dorm. 

In the cab on the round trip dropping the others back, Chanyeol rants about gravity and Kyungsoo laughs, cheeks red and his hand on Chanyeol’s thigh. 

At Kyungsoo’s house, Chanyeol learns that Yixing is his flatmate, not coursemate like he’d thought, and promises to remember it in the morning. 

“You’re going to talk to me in the morning? I don’t think you’ll be awake by four, earliest,” Kyungsoo grins, getting out the cab. 

“Wait!” Chanyeol looks puzzled himself at why he said that, attempting to find a reason. “Can I stay over yours? See the cab rate is gonna go up a lot because I live so far away?”

Kyungsoo narrows his eyes. “I mean you are the only one left, and I have stayed at yours…” He looks at Yixing, who rolls his eyes and reaches forward to grab Chanyeol’s arm to pull him out the cab. 

“Come on then, but I swear if you guys wake me up,” Yixing mumbles to himself as they follow behind. 

Kyungsoo’s room is smaller than Chanyeol’s, but he’s tried harder to make it more homely. Not that Chanyeol notices, because the first thing he does is flop face first onto the tiny single bed and close his eyes. 

“Why’s your bed small?” he asks.

“Why are you so long?” Kyungsoo retorts, pulling off his jeans. 

“Been asked that before,” Chanyeol smirks. 

“You’re a gross drunk.”

“Says you. You’ve been making bedroom eyes all night,” Chanyeol says, his voice muffled by the pillow. 

Kyungsoo doesn’t have an answer for that, instead he chooses to lie down on Chanyeol, wrapping his arms around him as much as he can. Chanyeol turns his head to look at him with heavy lidded eyes. 

“I want to sleep,” Chanyeol says. 

“Then move up.” 

Chanyeol groans and closes his eyes. 

“Do you not want to take at least your jeans off? Or your shirt? I can lend you a tshirt? You’re going to be uncomfortable,” Kyungsoo says, sounding more sober. 

“I can’t. Got the things,” Chanyeol slurs into the pillow and waving a dismissive hand in the air. 

“The things?” Kyungsoo rolls onto his side between Chanyeol and the wall to look at him. 

“Yeah.” 

“Oh. Oh yeah,” Kyungsoo worries at his lip, “I wouldn’t mind if you wanted to take anything off. I’m not going to look. We’ll just sleep.” 

Chanyeol seems to consider this with a frown, “Okay.” He picks himself up from the bed and begins undoing his belt. “Don’t look, though. Ever.” He takes his jeans off facing the wall and clumsily jumps under the covers as soon as he’s in just his boxers. 

“I won’t look,” Kyungsoo says, pulling the duvet over himself and resting his head on Chanyeol’s chest. His arm around Chanyeol’s stomach is warm and solid in the semi-darkness.

“Didn’t we have onion rings?” Chanyeol asks suddenly. Kyungsoo blinks.

“You did. You threw them at Jongin’s door.”

“You didn’t have any, Soo?” he feels Kyungsoo shake his head. “Why not? You don’t eat enough.” 

Kyungsoo freezes. 

“Oh, no, Kyungsoo, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean like… I know it’s weird with food, but it’s bad, you know? And I want you to be okay,” Chanyeol covers his face with a hand. 

There’s silence for a moment before Kyungsoo untangles himself from Chanyeol and turns over to face the wall. Chanyeol doesn’t bother him, knowing he couldn’t trust his mouth. He falls asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks if you've been reading so far!! this was more a filler til the end I guess? and pretty self indulgent bc I listened to all those tracks as I wrote. the club is based on an actual club, coolest place ever honestly I didn't do it justice, but anyway.


End file.
